We Must Survive Even the Darkest of Days
by FirebenderSlytherinDrDonnaSong
Summary: Zuko has been Fire Lord for two years now, and peace and reconstruction is abound in all the lands. But, what is Zuko to do when his wife, Mai, dies in childbirth? How will he get over it? And will he ever be ever to fall in love again?
1. Chapter 1

We Must Survive Even the Darkest of Days

Chapter One

"Fire Lord! Fire Lord Zuko!" the attendant yelled, running into the office. Zuko looked up, worry etched in his eyes. The attendant opened his mouth to speak, but found his voice gone. He merely closed his eyes, looked down, and just shoot his head. Zuko stood, the chair he had been sitting on flying back in his haste as he ran from the room, the attendant unmoving.

'No. This can't be happening. This can't!' Zuko kept saying, over and over, in his mind as he ran down the halls, his royal robes billowing out behind him as he hurried to his room. As servants saw him pass in his hurry, the fear in his eyes, they knew what was happening.

They knew today was her last day.

"Mai!" Zuko cried, throwing open the door to his bed chambers. His eyes didn't notice the elegant furniture, or the rich red walls as he barged in. His eyes just fell on the bed, where the woman he loved laid. Mai's eyes were closed, and Katara hovered over her, her palms glowing with the blue of her attempt at healing. Sweat coated Katara's brows as she fought to save Mai, and the child that was killing Mai from the inside.

"Zu...ko..." he heard Mai whisper, and he rushed to her side, grabbing her hand gently. Her breathing was labored.

"Come on, Mai! Push!" Katara shouted at her, as another contraction struck Mai.

Zuko looked down at Mai, pleading her with his eyes to be okay. She had to be okay. How could it have seemed, only five months ago, that this pregnancy would be a good thing?

_Zuko sat outside, looking at the Turtle Duck pond that his mother had loved. He missed her. When he had tried to ask his father of her fate, he had simply replied, "Why should I tell you? You, you have aided in stealing my firebending, stealing my throne? You have taken everything from me. For your treachery, I can not punish you from the binds of this cell, except never to tell you of your mother's fate!" Zuko knew not what to do from that point on, and was forced to give up, that if his mother lived, she would find a way to him. A guard suggested torture, but Zuko had outlawed torture as inhumane, and against the Way to Peace that he so wished for._

_After being Fire Lord for a year and a half, Zuko knew his mother was dead. Zuko looked to the sky, and sighed. "Happy birthday, mother. I will always miss you." He whispered._

_"Zuko!" A familiar voice called, and Zuko looked up, to see his wife, Mai, running towards him, a smile across her face. The smile instantly piked Zuko's curiousity, as he had only really seen her smile twice. When she was released from prison, and the day they married. _

_"Yes, Mai?" Zuko asked, the excitement and joy on her face forcing a smile onto his own. _

_"Zuko, do you remember how I asked for you to bring the Waterbender-Katara-here?" Mai asked, sitting down on the bench next to him._

_"Of course. You practically demanded me to write her, and then made me demand her to come!" Zuko replied. He had been married to Mai for a year by then, he had learned not to ask when his knife-throwing lover seemed to set her mind to something._

_"She arrived yesterday, with the Avatar. I must ask, did the bison smell bad even when you travelled with them?" _

_"I wonder why it took her a month and a half to get here. Guess expanding the Southern Water Tribe demanded more of her attention than she had previously anticipated. And, yes, Appa did always smell. Imagine being around him when he was wet. Nothing worse than wet bison smell." Zuko replied, lifting his one good eyebrow in curiosity. _

_"Well, I didn't just invite her up here for a cup of tea. Aren't you going to ask why she's here?" Mai said._

_Zuko snorted, "I know you'll just tell me eventually, so why bother to ask?"_

_Mai rolled her eyes, then replied, "I'm pregnant."_

_Zuko's mouth dropped. Mai's face (still weird from her smile), showed amusement. "You don't look like very royal, Fire Lord." she taunted._

_"You're...with child." Zuko managed. Mai nodded._

_"That's why I wanted Katara here. To confirm it. I've skipped before, I didn't want to get your hopes up. And she's also told me, that it will be male, and a firebender, like you." _

_Zuko's face mirrored Mai's, as joy spread across his features. Among the names he was called-Fire Lord, Zuko, all the nicknames Toph had for him-Daddy was about to be added to the list. And he would be a better father than Ozai ever was. _

_In the month after, Zuko convinced Katara and Aang to stay, for the birth of his child. He wanted the Avatar there, a symbol of hope, at the birth of the next Fire Lord. He also wanted Katara to deliver the child. She was a close friend, and he didn't want some strange mid-wife he had never met before touching his newborn. _

_Katara ran weekly checks on Mai, using her waterbender healing abilities to fix anything that may go wrong, and to keep Mai in perfect health. Katara, Aang, Sokka, and Toph had stayed in the Fire Nation for half a year after the War ended, hunting down and sometimes taking away the bending abilities of some of the last of Ozai's radical followers. During that time, Mai and Katara had become close friends. It had confused Zuko to no end, but he just assumed opposites had attracted. _

_As Mai had entered her third trimester, serious problems had sprung. Katara had detected it, and she had been fighting ever since. No one knew what was wrong with Mai. Since the detection, Mai had been bedridden in her and Zuko's room, and Katara had barely left Mai's side, except to fetch food or more water when the servants were too slow for Katara's taste. _

_Zuko had been such a mess that Aang had taken it upon himself to check up frequently on the Fire Lord. Zuko was grateful. The servants nor the nobles who frequently stayed in the castle could see Zuko when he was so emotional, as his sadness had a tendency to show itself in the form of violence and burning anything and anyone near him. In his fits of rage, the Avatar was the only one who could survive and easily defend himself against the Fire Lord's fire blasts. _

Zuko clung to Mai's sweaty hand, holding it against his scarred cheek. He attempted to smile, trying to comfort her. He knew normal childbirth was painful, but with Mai having problems, the pain must be worse than the norm by a hundredfold. Mai did the same. Even in pain, she was trying to cheer him up. Her face was contorted as another contraction ripped through her, and she screamed. Zuko felt the tears start down his face, and he clung harder to her.

Aang came hurrying in, probably hearing the scream. With his airbender powers, he could have been a mile away a few seconds ago and still heard Mai's scream.

"Zuko," Katara said, looking up at him. "You need to get out of here."

"What?" he demanded.

"Zuko," Aang said, setting his hand on Mai's shoulder. "You will just distract Katara. Come with me. It'll be okay."

Zuko opened his mouth to argue, but Mai's soft voice cut him off. "Get out of here, Zuko. I do not want you to see me like this. I'll see you when I have our baby son in my arms, okay?" she said, sliding her slender hand out of his.

Hopelessness stabbed into his heart. For once, he was grateful Toph was not there. He had a feeling that Aang and Mai were lying to him, and he didn't need Toph to confirm it. Zuko hung his head and stood, letting the Avatar lead him from the room. Another scream ripped from Mai as Zuko walked out the door, and only the increase of pressure from the Avatar's hand on Zuko's shoulder kept him from turning around and running back to her side.

Aang closed the door behind him, cutting off Mai's scream.

They walked in silence for what felt like hours, days, weeks, when in all actuality it was not more than an hour. An hour into the walk, Aang stopped, his head tilted to the side.

"Katara is calling. Come," Aang said, turning. Zuko followed behind, noticing the young monk for the first time. He did not wear the outfit Zuko had known before. He wore the robes of a fully trained airbender monk. The boy had also grown, and was now as tall as Zuko himself. Guess two years brought out a lot more change than anyone thought.

Zuko resisted the urge to run. He had already ran wildly through the palace earlier that day, he didn't need to cause a scene again, so he followed calmly behind the Avatar.

Once they reached the door to his room, Zuko's heart leapt in hope. Katara was standing outside the closed doors, a small bundle in her arms. Zuko could hear cries coming the blankets in her arms.

"Katara...?" Zuko began, but stopped, not sure what to ask. If his baby was healthy, then so was his wife, right? He ran past her, forcing the doors open, looking for Mai. Zuko's heart froze. Two attendants were in his room, one of which was the one which had rushed into Zuko's office earlier that day. Zuko saw them transfer Mai from the bed onto a stretcher, and then cover her with a brilliant red sheet, lifting up above her face.

The attendants looked up at him in shock. He obviously wasn't supposed to have seen that.

"Mai..." Zuko said, collapsing to his knees, one hand on the door frame. Katara knelt down next to him, still holding the bundle to her chest. "I'm sorry, Zuko. The stress on her body was too much. If it's any consolation, she got to see your child before her heart gave out. I can't figure out what happened, Zuko. I've never seen anything like this." Katara said as the attendants exited through a different door. Zuko's eyes were still frozen on the spot where the stretcher had been before. Mai. Zuko would never see her again.

"Zuko, look at me." Katara said firmly. Zuko looked at her, sorrow in his eyes.

"Look," she said softly, moving so Zuko could see the baby boy in Katara's arms. He wasn't crying anymore. Shouldn't he be crying?

Zuko gently took the baby from Katara, looking down at the child. He was plump, with dark tufts of black hair. His eyes were closed, but if they opened, Zuko had a feeling they'd be the amber gold of the Fire Nation.

"What's his name?" Aang asked, standing behind Zuko.

"Lu Ten. His name is Lu Ten. After my cousin." Zuko replied, his voice shaky.

"That's a lovely name, Zuko." Katara said, then paused. She cleared her throat, then spoke again. "Zuko...I need to run some tests on Lu Ten. Is that alright? His birth wasn't smooth, I need to make sure he's healthy."

"Make sure I don't lose him, Katara. I trust you." he said, handing the baby back to Katara. "Can I be alone for a little while? Please?"

"Are you sure that's wise, Zuko? Maybe you shouldn't stay in this-" Aang began.

"Get out!" Zuko yelled, clenching his fists.

Katara looked taken aback, but stood anyway, keeping Lu Ten save in her arms. Aang wrapped his arm around her waist, muttering "Come on. He needs some time." softly to her. Katara obeyed, and they left, with Aang closing the door behind them.

Once they were gone, even balancing on his knees was too hard. He collapsed onto his side, and curled up into a ball.

For hours, Zuko just cried.


	2. Debt Paid

We Must Survive Even Our Darkest Days

Chapter Two-Debt Paid

Zuko barely did anything for three days. It hurt his heart to see Lu Ten, so Zuko left him in Katara's capable hands.

Right now, Katara and her boyfriend could better care of Lu Ten than he could.

General Iroh had stepped up to grab hold of the reins of running the Fire Nation, but did so behind the scenes, claiming he consulted with Fire Lord Zuko, but also saying the Fire Lord was too busy preparing for his late wife's funeral to make any public appearances.

In all actuality, Iroh was planning Mai's funeral. Iroh had gone to Zuko's chambers many times in the last three days, but it was useless. Zuko was mostly unresponsive. Iroh sighed, rubbing his forehead as he sat in Zuko's office, looking over the decrees the officials wanted put into law. He didn't know what to do. Zuko had to pull himself together, soon, or he would be removed from the thrine. And since the only other person eligible for the throne was in the looney bin...

For the first time in a long time, Iroh was at a complete loss as to what to do. He had one idea, but it was a long shot.

~0~

Aang walked down the hall, holding Lu Ten gently in his arms. Aang was back to wearing the clothes he had worn during the invasion, leaving the monk outfit he had worn during most of his journey in his trunk, as Fire Nation weather proved too hot for anything besides the simple one-shoulder tunic Aand currently wore. Lu Ten was very amused by Aang's outfit, the soft yellow stood out against the vibrant, all-consuming shades of red the Palace had.

Aang looked down at his friend's baby boy, a gentle smile crossing over the young Airbender's face. Whenever Aang looked at the baby, he felt his Avatar spirit stir. Not as a bad omen or anything of the sort, of course, but the baby's birth was a symbol-the symbol of the start of a new, peaceful era.

But Lu Ten was also very much a punishment. His birth had stlen Mai's life.

Somehow, Aang sensed this as a debt finally being paid. Mai and Zuko had both caused destruction. They had reformed, yes. But they still had had a large debt to pay to the Universe.

Mai's death had paid off that debt.

Aang had never been close to Mai. When Ozai's Angels had fought with Team Avatar, Aang had usually dealt with Azula, leaving Ty Lee and Mai to Katara, Sokka, and Toph. But despite the vague lines of friendship having just begun to form, Aang felt the heavy loss of a good soul.

He also felt for his friend, former enemy, and Firebending Master. He felt the young Fire Lord's pain. With such a terrible loss at so near the beginning of what had seemed to promise peace, love, and hope, Aang feared the loss of Mai would revert Zuko back to the darkness.

Many would think Aang was just being pessimistic, could they hear his thoughts. No, he was simply thinking from experience. Aang remembered his own bloodlust, rage, and all the death wishes he had towards the Fire Nation when he discovered what had happened to his people, violent thoughts which only ended after Katara and Sokka had calmed him after the Avatar State.

The mental wishes for violence was over quickly, yes. But due to the different personalities of himself and Zuko-his one of calm serenity and a love for laughter while Zuko had always had a temper-he feared the worst. But Aang was so weary from the newly ended War, that all he could do was hope for the best.

Aang looked up at the large, ornate doors of Zuko and Mai's-well, now just Zuko's-bedchambers.

The young Avatar took a deep breath and rearranged Lu Ten in his arm, and keeping his glider (he had found an antique one during another search of the Air Temples) in his empty hand, in case he would need to protect himself and Lu Ten.

'Now, Aang,' he badgered himself, building up the courage to knock, 'you were the one who told Zuko to always start with a positive attitude! Follow your own advice! And you took down Fire Lord Ozai, you can talk with Zuko!' A small voice in his head tried to protest, but a louder one growled like Appa and the smaller voice faded away.

Before he could lose his courage, Aang quickly knocked, holding his shoulders back and his head high, as any Fully Realized Avatar should.

The door creaked open, and Aang's jaw nearly dropped as he saw Zuko.

Zuko's already pale face seemed ghostly white, his good eye seemed sunken, hollow. His scar stood out, more than usual. After only three dats, Zuko looked like a starved refugee again. Despite his gaunt look, once he saw Lu Ten, love filled his gaze. He looked more human.

"Aang, what are you doing here?" Zuko asked, opening the door wider and nodding for Aang to come in.

"I must speak with you." Aang said simply, handing Lu Ten to his father.

Zuko looked at his son, making goo-goo noises for a few minutes, and causing small sparks of fire, which caused the baby to giggle madly.

"What is it, Aang?" Zuko asked, his face turning serious.

"You may want to give Lu Ten back to me." Aang replied, glancing at the baby as he and Zuko sat down.

"What could be so bad I'd need to give you my son?" Zuko asked, uncertain.

"Just trust me, Zuko." Aang said, holding out his arms. Zuko sighed, and handed over his son.

Aang cleared his throat. "If you do not resume your Fire Lord duties, you will be removed and Azula will be made Fire Lord."

"WHAT?" Zuko yelled, setting the table on fire. Aang held Lu Ten to his chest, using Waterbending to put out the fire. "The Sages deemed her insane! Sent her away!"

"Her royal blood overrides any decision any Sage can make," Aang began, holding Lu Ten, who seemed to be falling asleep. "The official decree, which would be signed by nobles still loyal to Ozai, would read that you had been deemed unfit for rule, and Azula appointed temporary Fire Lord until you recover, or Lu Ten's twentieth birthday. Zuko...if Azula is made Fire Lord, she will murder you and Lu Ten."

Zuko's mind ran a mile a second, constructing a theory of how Azula would do it. Zuko and Lu Ten would have to make a run for it, but Zuko wouldn't be able to lie to Lu Ten, so Lu Ten would know he's supposed to be Fire Lord. Wanting his crown, he would confront Azula.

And then Azula would mercilessly slaughter him.

Zuko hung his head, hiding behind his hair. He brought a hand up, running it down his face like someone in need of sleep might. "What do I have to do?"

"Be Fire Lord."

Aang said it as if it were so simple. They both knew being being Fire Lord was a hard task, though. But if Zuko didn't start acting like Fire Lord, and soon, the world's glimmer of hope for peace would be quickly snuffed out.

Aang looked up, and saw the change in Zuko's eyes. Rage and fear had changed to cold, steely determination. Aang recognized the look; Zuko had worn it often during his hunt for the young Airbender, and when training the same Airbender.

Yes, Aang knew that look well.

But he did not know if th eoutcome would be good, as the look and the man with the look had such a mixed up history.

"Avatar," Zuko began, standing up. "Could you please go find my Uncle, General Iroh? I must speak with him. And give my thanks to Master Katara, my son seems to be a healthy and happy boy."

Aang smiled and stood, reaching out his hand. Zuko gave a wry smile as the Firebender and Airbender shook hands. Aand reached down, grabbing his staff. With the staff and baby in his arms, Aang left the room.

~0~

Aang walked calmly to the Fire Lord's office, knocking on it. He was rocking back and forth on his heels, as Lu Ten had fallen asleep. For some reason, Aang's mind kept turning to thoughts of having kids...


End file.
